defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
