i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
