Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
