Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
