I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
