I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.