dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.