I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.