hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"