We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize