you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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