Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
