i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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