Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize