dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
