I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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