I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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