yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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