no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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