She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
