she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
