The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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