Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
