I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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