No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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