So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
