Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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