the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
