Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while