i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.