WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
