Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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