i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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