So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
