it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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