someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
