Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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