She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
