Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
