some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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