I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
