omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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