I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
