So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
