I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.