I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!