Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
