Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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