Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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