I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
