so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
