she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
