It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize