I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Randomize
