I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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