Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
