we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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