Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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