Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
