wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
