you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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