I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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